Mixed emotions

We went out last night to Harpoon’s summer festival.  I wasn’t going to go at first because I was so tired, but the thought of staying home made me feel upset.  The food was good- I didn’t drink because I feared that it would interfere with my treatment.  It was difficult for me to keep a positive attitude, but it was nice to see my friends.

Once we got home, I was upset about my treatment.  I wished that I could go through this without anyone witnessing the process.  I asked Jess if we could just not talk about it- ever.  When I’m outside of Dana-Farber, I want to pretend like this isn’t happening.  Going forward, I’m not going to invite anyone else to join me at the hospital.  Although I like to see friends and family, it makes me feel worse having people see me in here.
My mood improves dramatically when thinking about silly normal things, such as how Harpoon’s brewery in Boston is a dump in comparison to their restaurant in Vermont.  The place smells like my old college dorm room after a night of partying.
I also felt better after speaking with my nurse this morning.  She informed me that my physical response to the side effects has been quite good.  The mixed emotions I’m having are normal.
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2 responses to this post.

  1. Not being able to do stuff on chemotherapy is…frustrating. Eventually chemotherapy will end, you’ll get your vigor back, and you can do stuff. I just went camping this weekend!

    Reply

  2. Posted by Michael Hammond on June 7, 2009 at 11:42 PM

    You can do it Bill! You are an inspiration to all of us! You have to stay positive! This too shall pass!?

    Reply

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